No Rest For The Weary

Fish. I can not stand it, any kind of fish. Anything from the ocean really, just repulsive. The smell makes me gag and I can’t get close to the stuff without wanting to run to the bathroom. It’s just awful.

Lame title I know, but I’ve drunk enough to have a hard time walking, also lame but it’s a first for me. So my mom has terrible, terrible credit. We haven’t payed a mortgage payment on my home in god knows how long. She makes 80 grand a year, give or take commissions, and so I didn’t receive any financial aid from Purchase, but of course they don’t look into the living expenses of the family. Talk about being the gem of “culture and progressive thinking” I love it regardless. Anyway I also have a twin going, though luckily she has a beautiful voice and an incredible scholarship. But my mother has no way of taking out loans seeing as our credit is shit, and my father, well, I don’t want to talk about him. So my uncle’s agreed that they would help co-sign on loans, but they refuse to do so unless I defer for a year. Itwasmy plan from the beginning, but my friend’s wonderful mother convinced me and my own that it was a bad idea. So I got my hopes up and just let things play out as it has, and now it’s back to the original. I don’t like my uncle, he’s rough and he’s conservative and he’s insensitive. I don’t really know what to say, I’m not feeling to great but the alcohol helps to numb it. I thought some of you might be interested to know an update in my life. Oh I got a gift for this classmate of mine that was crying in the hall way. She was disappointed in her grades and the classes she has to take next year, so my Love and I decided to do something nice, like the other time with the movie. I hop it makes her happy, she’s a nice girl.

I saw a fat boy wearing a green sweater and red jump suit pants in school the other day. He was ugly and lonely looking. He was running his backpack clip against the lockers in a prison like fashion. I thought to myself how alone he must be, and that I would never dare speak to him. I am just as shallow as everyone else.

Empathy. Kindred. Despair. Lofty.

Infidelity upsets me

Rain, always the rain. The white noise and the chaotic order just puts me at ease, makes me feel safe and enclosed in happiness. I’m not feeling very inspired, so I’m sorry for the small post with unsatisfying words, but I had a bad experience recently so I’m kinda feeling down.

Recently, as in last Thursday to yesterday evening, I took a trip, a school related one, down to the District of Columbia. Our nations capitol. ~It’s ironic that the citizens that live where the federal government is seated have yet to acquire suffrage.~ It was a musical one, musical in the way that everyone who went was related to the music department of my school. I was and am part of the “elite” vocal section, but the “elite” orchestra came and the incredible jazz “band” came along too.

Thursday came, and to be honest I was excited despite myself. You see I’ve never been much of a fan of the members of these groups. They mostly feel fake to me, I don’t always have evidence to back this up but let me explain what I mean. They are always tiptoeing around their words, trying to say what they need to say with out saying it. For example, we were critiquing our performance from Friday and the scarlet harlot found any opportunity she could to be the nice girl. She kept going on that we have to be nice to each other and ourselves, and not be so quick to judge. But of course she doesn’t fucking mean that, she is one of those kinds of people who is warm to your face and cold to your back. Two faced ditz. They cuddle with boys while they are in a relationship, and who’ll they’ll never date, they just enjoy the attention it gives them. Who cares about the feelings of the trusting guy right? They screw guys over, running after someone who has had zero experience and is completely naive to the pains of the heart, then they act fucking oblivious that it happened, “It’s not my fault they love me so much :p” They were shirts that show their entire bra, and get uncomfortable when you look, they condescend and berate at every opportunity to project their insecurities. They complain about the not-total comforts of their ivy league schools. They constantly sing that god damn fucking awful song, “Call me maybe.”

They piss me off to no fucking end, it was a shitty week-end, not worth it and I got no homework done. I didn’t even get to see the damn museums since we were running around doing that damn treasure-hunt. We ate at Uno’s and Dave and Buster’s, of course nothing for me to eat except potatoes and rice.

I had a wonderful conversation with the self-proclaimed best friend of the scarlet harlot. He’s a nice guy, hated the scarlet harlot’s recent center of drama just as much as I did, and we had some fun conversations. Maybe a little arrogant and can be a little narrow minded with his optimism and love for the scarlet harlot, but I felt like he and I connected a bit.